If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I stole a fireplace last night.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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