you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Yo dont text me then not text me
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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