I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
