I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
