ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
