We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Soap is not a condiment
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize