Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
