I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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