Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
