You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Dicks are not precious.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
