Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
