i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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