I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize