You're completely useless in the revolution.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
