i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
