dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
