Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
