How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
