He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
