We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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