dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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