she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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