my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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