He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
