ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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