Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
