How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize