remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
