You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
What a dumb baby whore.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize