So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
