I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
