i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
