To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
