I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
