May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
