I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
The beer is more important than you right now.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
