Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
