oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
