he fucked my hip out of place.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
