found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
