you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize