mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
