you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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