What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
