The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
