I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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