I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
