So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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