My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
