Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
