all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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