remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
