Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Reggie can tackle my bush.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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