What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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