Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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