I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
