i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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