We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
