eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize