I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
