you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
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