i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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