i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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