Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
