I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize