I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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