she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
