I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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