I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
