I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
