when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
