god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
