just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
