I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
not ubering you a puppy
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
